I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
