96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
