How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize