ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
