Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
