I wanna bring you to show and tell
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
do herpes really smell.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
