I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
