dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
