They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
