it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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