News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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