I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
