Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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