Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Randomize
