Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
