Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
