MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
