Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
