she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize