i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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