I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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