nut hugger
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
