Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
