you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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