the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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