It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
