is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
