You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize