I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I puked a lego.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
