Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
