The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
