The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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