To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
