what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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