No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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