I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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