Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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