i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
