Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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