i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
