Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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