My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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