at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize