it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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