I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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