I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize