What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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