You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
