Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
