idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
