remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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