So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
