Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
