I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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