I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
