Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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