You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
