those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
