Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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