butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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