How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
