I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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