i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
