We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
