So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Randomize