I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
