i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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