Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
