if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
