dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
