I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
