Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
